One of the questions I teach leaders to ask their people is “What do you want?” I taught this last month to our Intentional Leader clients and got the following question:
“I’m having difficulty understanding the ‘What do you want?’ question. It feels a little bit like Santa Claus. Does this mean that I’m supposed to go to my people and ask them what they want as if I’m Santa Claus and fulfill their every wish?”
I totally get the question and taken out of context, this question does feel like us as a kid sitting on Santa’s lap and him saying, “What do you want, little boy?” At that moment, the world is our oyster, and our heads are spinning with the possibilities of what we could ask for.
Let me clearly say — that’s not what this question is.
Here’s what I intend this with this question. Most people have been dictated to and told what they should want their entire lives (or at least their whole professional lives). We very rarely get a say in what we want something to be like. So, when we are asked, “What do you want?” it feels like we’re getting away with something. This question may be shocking for someone to hear at first, but asking it opens up a world of opportunity and possibility for creativity, productivity, and engagement.
For this question to not be an invitation for “Santa Claus” time, the context is crucial. The setting for the proper use of this question is when someone comes to you with a goal, challenge, issue, or something that he or she wants to be solved.
With that as the context, then ask them, “What do you want?” or a variation of that question like, “How do you want this to go?” Ask the question and then listen. What you’re doing is challenging them to think and to move them beyond the ordinary, transactional conversation.
You would not walk up to someone at the coffee station, at lunch or in a meeting and randomly ask, “So, what is it that you want?” It could be appropriate during an open discussion when you want to hear what people want out of their workplace, or from you as their boss. Still, this is NOT Santa Claus time. It’s not fulfilling every want and whim that this person has. It’s a strategic question to get them to think, and it enters you into a dialogue.
The conversation also doesn’t end there. The question is an entry point into the discussion to go deeper for you to ask more questions, for you to share your perspective, and for you to build on what it is that they said they want to occur.
The result of this type of conversation is a deeper level of understanding and ultimately a more engaged team member who will freely bring their insights, ideas, solutions and their whole self to your shared work.
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This question was asked during a private Q&A session for Intentional Leader clients. These are hosted monthly and give our clients the ability to get focused support on leadership challenges that are real and important to them. Would it be valuable to you to have world-class, on-demand support for your team as they work through their daily challenges? If so, check out The Intentional Leader and schedule a call to learn more.