In January, I had an anniversary. The one-year anniversary of living life in a wheelchair. In reflecting on the past year, the lesson I’ve most had to learn is how to receive help.
As leaders, our focus is primarily around leading others, but if we have any hope of leading others, we first must lead ourselves. Self-leadership around how and if I accept help has been a life-long challenge.
I’ve never needed help (or least I believed I didn’t need it) and it has looked different over the last twenty years.
In my twenties, I had something I call “young person’s disease.” I had everything figured out and that came with a dose of arrogance.
In my thirties, I learned humility but by then I was a leader on a few fronts in my life. Leadership, in my mind, meant I had to have it all together and that I was the one to help others.
In my early forties (I’m 43 as I write this), as my ability to walk deteriorated, I had to prove I was still able to do everything I’d always done and could be self-sufficient. Even through a broken leg where I wasn’t able to do much of anything for myself (go to the bathroom, put on clothes, etc.), I was determined to only accept help when I absolutely had no other choice.
So, here I am, a year into living life in a wheelchair and receiving help is still difficult. I’ve learned to see it in three ways.
Receiving help blesses the person giving it
In my opinion, most people want to be helpful and when they are, it blesses them. Think of the last time you sincerely helped another. How did it feel?
Give someone else the gift of being of service.
Receiving help creates community
When I receive help, it creates a connection with me and the other person. I’ve also had the experience (especially in airports) that once a person is helpful to me, it creates connection among others too and I’ve noticed they are more helpful to others. In a time where real connection and community is lacking in so many places, receiving help has been an easy and unexpected way to create it.
Receiving help is really helpful (duh!)
This one makes me laugh in how simple it is. Of course, when someone helps it makes your task easier. Why is that so hard for us?!?
After shopping one day, another customer took my bags to my car for me. I could have done it myself, but man did it make it easier to get to my car.
When it comes to physical needs, it might be easier for you and others to see where you may need to receive help. It’s harder, or at least less obvious, when it comes to receiving help in other areas of our lives. The opportunity to receive help might be more invisible, so we need to be the one to ask. It requires another level of vulnerability and the trust that’s created can lead to new levels of commitment and engagement.
I’m facing a challenge in my church leadership role and one of my first thoughts in addressing it was, “I don’t want to bother my own leaders. I should be able to handle this myself.” Yes, I could, but why? They are there to help me and they want to help me. It’s still a tough situation but receiving their help has been so…well…helpful.
This particular situation doesn’t have anything to do with my disability or wheelchair but having been in the position to need and receive physical help has changed my overall perspective on receiving help.
Where have you willingly received help? What’s been the impact on you (and the giver)? Share your insights in the comments and if like me, and you’ve been stuck in your ability or willingness to receive help, let’s talk. Schedule 30 minutes for us to dive in and unlock this once and for all.